Safety Tips For Children Brochure

Teaching Children to Protect Themselves

Your children need to know how to protect themselves. At the same time, you don’t want to make them fearful of everyone they meet or anxious about being kidnapped or murdered.

Explain to your children that most people care about kids and want to help and protect them -- but there are some adults who try to kidnap or hurt children.

Tell them learning what to do is like a fire drill -- they’ll probably never need to do it in real life. But it’s very important for them to know what to do, just in case.

Children Are Allowed To Say “No”

We all want our children to respect adults. But some kids have been abducted or murdered because they were "good" children who obeyed adults when they should have said "no," screamed or fought back.

Practice Makes Perfect

• Read the material in this brochure. Teach your children the tips and techniques using your own words.

• Don’t lecture. Have your children take part in learning. That’s the best way to make sure they understand and remember what to do in a real-life situation.

• Play "What if?" to give them a chance to practice what they have learned. For example: “What if a policeman said your mother was sick and you should go with him to the hospital?,” “What if your troop leader tickled you a lot and you didn’t like it?,” or “What if you got lost at the shopping mall?” Use your imagination and make up "What-ifs" to cover different situations.

• You can also role-play the part of a person trying to trick them and have your children practice what they would say. For example: “I’ll give you this candy if you come into my house,” “Will you help me find my lost puppy?,” or “I’m going to hurt you if you don’t get into my car.” If you have more than one child, make sure all your children participate.

• Do this repeatedly. Children need constant reminders. Present as many situations as possible, using the knowledge you have learned from this pamphlet.

How Abductors and Molesters Operate

1.  Bribing
“I’ll buy you an ice cream cone if you come for a ride with me.”
“If you come up to my place, I’ll give you the best cocaine you’ve ever had.”
“I’ve got a beautiful doll at my house I want to give you.” 

Sometimes abductors will offer children items or opportunities to put them in a vulnerable situation.

• Teach your children not to accept any kind of gift -- candy, food, toys, drugs, money -- from strangers. A stranger is someone you and your children don’t know well, even a nice person who wants to give them things.

• Watch for new possessions or money of which you don’t know the source. Find out where your child got those items.

• Role-play various strangers who might approach your children and have your children practice how they would refuse bribes.

2.  Asking for Help
“Will you show me the way to the post office?”
“Come with me and help me find my puppy.”
“Will you help me put this box in my car?”  

Sometimes abductors even disguise themselves as old or handicapped people to get children to trust them.

• Teach your children that some adults may be trying to trick them by asking for help. Explain that they cannot tell if they are being tricked because the adult will seem like a nice person so they should never go along with anyone they do not know.

• Tell your children to stay out of reaching distance of anyone who asks them for help.

• If approached for directions by a person in a car, don’t approach the vehicle. Run away from the car in the opposite direction it is pointed in.

• Role-play situations to make sure your children understand what to do. Have them practice answers like “I’m not allowed to go with strangers,” “Ask a grown up -- I can’t help you” and “I’m not coming with you, leave me alone.”

3.  Pretending there is an emergency
“Quick, come with me. Your mother was hurt. I’ll take you to the hospital.”
“Your mother told me to bring you home -- your father is dead.”

When a kidnapper upsets a child in this way, the child may forget all the lessons you’ve taught him about being careful with strangers.

• Teach your children that an adult may try to trick them by pretending that something terrible has happened.

• Choose a family code word your children will easily remember. Tell them to keep the word a secret. If you ever need to send a stranger to pick up your children, give them the code word.

• Tell your children that if a stranger ever tells them you sent him to pick them up, they should ask for the code word. If the stranger doesn’t know the word, or if the child has any doubts, your child should find an adult they trust and ask them to check.

• Role-play situations with your children to practice what they should say. For example: “You didn’t tell me the code word. I’m not going with you” or  “I don’t know you. I’ll call home myself to find out.”

4.  Threatening
Kidnappers may try to force a child to come with them by threatening violence, even by showing a knife or gun.

• Teach your children to run and scream “Help” or “Fire” if they are threatened. That alone will drive off many kidnappers.

• If the children are followed, they should not try to hide. They should go to an area where there are people, such as a store or busy street, and ask another adult for help.

5.  Pretending to be an authority figure
There are abductors with whole wardrobes full of disguises to convince children to trust them -- police officers, firefighters, Scout leaders, clergymen, store detectives, etc. This can be used in connection with any of the four tricks above.

• While you want your children to respect authority, you also want them to be aware of the dangers of obeying blindly. Teach your children that sometimes an adult tries to trick children by pretending to be an authority figure and telling the child to come with him.

• Explain that children can’t always know whether such an adult is genuine. If that ever happens to them, they should find an adult to check the authorities identification.

• Role-play with your child how they would respond. For example: “I want to make sure you’re a real policeman. I’m going to ask my teacher to check” or “If my mother sent you, what’s the code word?”

How Abductors and Molesters Lure Victims

1.  Giving love and friendship
Many children are molested, and even murdered, by a family member or friend. In other cases, molesters and murderers look for children whose family life is unhappy because of neglect, abuse or a crisis -- like cases of divorce or death -- and give them the love and attention they crave in order to abuse them. Both younger children and teen-agers are susceptible to this tactic.

2.  Playing Games
Sometimes molesters begin by playing with the child -- physical games like tickling, wrestling or fantasy games. The play gradually escalates into sexual contact and the child finds it difficult to know where to draw the line.

Other molesters get jobs as entertaining characters, like clowns or magicians, who naturally attract children. The child gets caught up in the sense of play and gets tricked into allowing activities that might otherwise harm him.

• Explain to your children that there are touches that feel good  -- like a hug from mom -- and touches that feel uncomfortable or bad.

• Teach your children that parts of their bodies are private and no one has the right to touch them there without their permission. Make sure your children understand that they have the right to say "no" to any person who wants to touch them.

• Respect your children’s feelings about being touched, even if you don’t always understand why they feel that way. If your child doesn’t want a kiss from Aunt Millie, let them know it’s perfectly all right to shake hands instead.

• Encourage your children to tell you about any attempts by adults or teenagers to touch them in a private way.

• Play several “What-if” situations to get your children use to saying "no." Practice different ways of saying “no” such as “Leave me alone,” “Don’t touch me,” or “I’m going to tell.”

• Take note of any adult who wants to spend a lot of time alone with your child.

3.  Promising glamour and fame
Sometimes molesters lure older children and teenagers by seeming to fulfill their fantasies of glamour and fame. They hold out the promise of modeling jobs, movie roles or beauty contests. They may ask the children to pose for photographs, beginning with innocent situations but moving into pornography or seduction.

• Be aware of your children’s activities. If your child has a special talent or interest in performing or modeling, don’t let him or her to take part in any lessons, sessions or shows without your approval.

• Encourage your children to tell you about any people they meet who want to take their pictures or play “dress-up” or other fantasy games.

4.  Offering a job
Molesters attract teenagers by offering them an exciting or high-paying job. They may advertise the job in the newspaper, often with only a post office box number given, or personally recruit teenagers. The applicant will often have to go to an isolated location for the interview.

• Tell your teenage children that there are adults who take advantage of young people to exploit, molest or harm them by offering them jobs. For that reason, you would like to know about any interviews or job offers they receive.

• If you have any doubts, accompany your child to his or her interview.

Parents Should Pay Attention

• Be sure your child’s school or day care center will not release your child to anyone but you or persons you designate. Instruct the school to call you if your child is absent.

• Listen when your children tell you they do not want to be with someone. There may be a reason you should know.

• Encourage your children to tell you about any attempted abuse. Never belittle any fear or concern your child may express to you.

Will My Child Lie About Being Sexually Molested?

It is unlikely that a child is lying about being molested. But with all the publicity about sexual abuse, there have been some cases when children claimed to have been molested to get back at a babysitter or adult. 

If you have doubts, question your child further, letting your child tell the story in his or her own words. Often, the acts that molesters perform with children are beyond the child’s previous experience and your child could not invent such a story. 

Do not discredit your child just because you can’t believe that such a nice or respectable person could be a child molester. Molesters can be highly respected members of the community.

Things Your Child Should Know

• Their full name, address and phone number.

• How to make a collect phone call. Even young people can learn to dial “0” for operator.

• Where to find emergency phone numbers, including police, fire department, doctor’s, mother/father’s work and friends.

• How to answer the phone properly and how to respond to a stranger who calls when your child is alone.

• Directions home from various locations within your neighborhood; names of major streets in your neighborhood; and the names of their city, state and community.

• Their parents’ full names and places of employment.

• Full names of relatives and how to contact them.

• How to address an envelope with their address and use the postal system.

• A family code word to help a child know if a person picking them up was asked to do so by a parent.

If Your Child Is Taken

In spite of all precautions, there is always the possibility that your child may be kidnapped. There are still things a child can do if abducted.

Teach your children to stay on the lookout for every chance to escape. When the car stops for a light or at a gas station, the child should try to jump out and run.

If the kidnapper takes them into a public place they should try to break away and scream “Help,” “Fire” or “This is not my parent.” Even if they can’t get away, they might be able to pass a note to an adult or drop one where it will get picked up.

For further assistance in finding your child, call
Child Protection Education of America
at 1-866-USA-CHILD